As a chubby youngster, I always liked the summer months. I never quite enjoyed them as much as the next kid, but I so badly wanted to enjoy them just as much.
While everyone else swam enthusiastically, escaping the brutal heat and the confines of their own clothing, I went into the water hesitantly, with shirt in tow. Absolutely terrified to expose my body to the world.
I had been teased enough with my clothing on, and I was not ready to find out how relentless the kids would be if I didn’t have at least one shell of protection.
I joked and played, all while miserable inside.
All the while a prisoner of a jail that I had created.
I saw the happiness on others’ faces, and I vowed that I would be just as happy as them, next summer.
Next summer, I’d be in the deep end with no shirt and the body I had always wanted.
Next summer, I would be the kid all of the other kids wanted to be around.
Next summer, not one person was going to make fun of me. I was no longer going to be teased.
Next summer.
The next summer came and I was in the same situation.
My arms were never as “cut” as the next guy’s; I wasn’t ever quite as cool either.
I let a lot of summers come and go. It was okay, however, since I would make up for it the next summer. I made the commitment to myself that I was going to get into better shape than anyone else, and it would absolutely be worth it in the end.
I finally got that body I wanted. The thing is, I got it too many summers too late.
You see, when those summers finally came around, I was still too insecure to actually enjoy them. I was too unsatisfied with my own situation to see all that I really had. I only saw what was wrong.
In hindsight, I was a hard worker as a kid. I got sick of being chubby, and I decided to do something about it.
I gave up the sweets, and I took up running.
I ran, and I ran, and I ran.
When the next summer came, however, it was still not good enough.
In hindsight, I let too many summers, too many days, too many experiences, fly by me because I was living my life in the future. I lived in a time that would never exist. A period that resided in my mind where nothing was impossible, and where I was perfect.
Living in that future cost me too many memories.
Living in that future taught my mind that this time was unimportant, because things were going to be better….next summer.
It took a lot those summers for me to realize that that outside wasn’t lacking. It took many missed opportunities and lackluster experiences to make me get fed up and for me to accept that I had to overhaul the way I saw life. Not my body.
I let a lot of summers drift by, and I’ll never get them back.
But I realize now, I might not have next summer. I might not be able to invest in a new business 3 years from now. I can never get back those summer days I missed, and I can not go back to help out that little chubby kid gain enough confidence to take his shirt off.
But I can go out today and enjoy it for what it is.
Reality.
The Present.
The only thing that actually matters.
So, enjoy “this summer”, as much as you can. Until next time, take the Red Pill, and see me in the morning.
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