My dear friend…
This is a letter from your ol’ pal, belly fat. We had a great run this summer, didn’t we? Lots of good times, great food, and plain ol’ sitting around eating too much.
Why did i write this letter to you? I just did it to thank you for all the great times we had and to tell you that i want to be with you till death do us part. Just allow me to grow i little bit to feel more comfortable (and it’s maybe time for you to buy that XXXL t-shirt).
So do me a favor, avoid that interval training you were thinking of doing. The last time you did that stuff, I nearly had to look for a new place to live. I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West in the land of Oz. Did you hear me yelling, “Help me, I’m melting!”?
Instead, stick to that slow cardio stuff. Sure I get a little sweaty, and the ol’ brain up there thinks it’s doing “a real fat burning workout”, but it’s never enough to melt me outta here.
Another thing, keep listening to those experts who say strength training doesn’t burn body fat. Since research shows they’re wrong, if you added strength training to your program, you’d practically need to throw me a going away party!
When you started those superset workouts last month, i was really worried. It felt like fire, and i thought that was farewell. You’ll never know how happy i was when you gave up and went back to just lifting utensils and not dumbells.
Sometimes I wonder, what did you ever do in college without me, your trusted belly fat? Back then, you were probably one of those people that couldn’t wait to get to the beach to show off your body, not like these days. Nope, stay in the shade and keep the cover-up clothes on, that’s the way to go now. Besides, its a lot closer to the cold beer and the BBQ when you’re sitting in the shade avoiding all the fun down on the beach.
Well, it sure was good catching up with you. I’m sure we’ll be in touch more often, as long as you stay away from that Turbulence Training workout routine. Brings a tear to my eye whenever I even think about that workout program and all the belly fat it’s burned. Heck, it’s fried more belly fat than a frying pan! And again, if you want to keep your dear old belly around for another year and another summer, don’t use Turbulence Training - otherwise, its all over pal, and you’ll never see me again. Belly Fat says, “Don’t use this”.
Your best friend, Belly Fat.
PS. For the last time i beg you, don’t go near that Turbulence Training program, it will tear us apart, and i know you would not really like that. Without me you will be nobody, your muscles will be defined, and you know how much attention that gets from the opposite sex. Why would you want such a thing?
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